Gaining Clarity | How to Know What You Really Want | Mindset Shifting: from Negative Thinking Patterns to Automatic Self Empowerment | Journal Prompts for Understanding What You Want in Life

"Target the bullseye, not just the board—precision hits the mark, while vagueness misses entirely."

In our journey through life, it's common to focus on avoiding pitfalls and steering clear of what we don't want. But what if I told you that the key to truly empowering yourself and directing your life's course lies in understanding and articulating what you do want? This shift in focus from avoidance to pursuit can profoundly impact your psychological well-being and life outcomes.

Understanding the Subconscious Mind

Our subconscious mind plays a crucial role in shaping our reality. It's the silent partner that listens to the cues we give and acts on them, often without our conscious awareness. According to the ironic processing theory, introduced by psychologist Daniel Wegner, trying to suppress certain thoughts only makes them more likely to emerge. For example, if you focus on not losing all your money, your mind might actually conjure images of financial ruin, triggering stress and anxiety linked to losing security and opportunity.

Personal Experience with Focus and Outcomes

I once found myself trapped in a cycle of attracting (and entertaining…) the very outcomes I wished to avoid. Whether it was in relationships, academic performance, or day-to-day decisions, hyperfocusing on what I didn't want seemed logical—it was about knowing where the dangers lay so I could avoid them. However, this approach often led me to [unconsciously] co-create those exact unwanted scenarios, as my mind was primed to focus on them and my nervous system tuned to find them through feeling. It wasn't until I began to clearly define what I did want that I could align my actions and emotions with my true desires and personal values, leading to more fulfilling personal and professional experiences.

The Importance of Clarity in Desires

While it might seem counterintuitive, clearly laying out what you don't want is not inherently bad or wrong; it's often an essential step in clarifying what you do want. This awareness acts as a scaffold, helping construct a framework within which you can experiment and discover. By actively engaging with our unpleasant emotions—frustration, sadness, fear—we can probe deeper to uncover our true aspirations. "Does this feel good? Why or why not? What’s missing?" These questions guide us toward clarity, helping us understand and articulate our desires more precisely, which we can then build strategies to support realizing these desires.

Journal Prompts for Clarity: Practical Exercise to Clarify Desires

To harness the power of focusing on what you want, try this simple exercise:

  1. Choose an Area of Life: Pick an aspect of your life you wish to change or improve.

  2. Explore Dissatisfactions: What are you dissatisfied with in this area? List these aspects.

  3. Envision Desired Changes: How would you like this area to look ideally? Describe this in detail.

  4. Identify What Becomes Present: In the absence of the dissatisfactions, what positive outcomes or conditions emerge? What do you actually want to experience?

Conclusion

Regularly practicing the articulation of your desires is more than just an exercise; it's a transformational tool that aligns your subconscious programming with your conscious aspirations. By clearly defining and focusing on what you truly want, you set the stage for a more empowered and fulfilling life. Remember, it's not just about swimming away from the shark—it's about swimming towards your own personal shores of success and satisfaction.

Rachael Besser